her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
