Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
