Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
