Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
How's work?
Spinning.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize