Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
where are you?
Hypothermia
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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