and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
