I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
