Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
