when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
