its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
