He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
