9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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