If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize