I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
