I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He uses pillows to masturbate.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
