and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
