Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
