well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
