This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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