That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
