No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The power of my boobs compel you
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
