Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
