its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
