Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
