just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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