i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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