thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
