She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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