Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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