It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
