The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
