Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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