For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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