I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
