So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize