Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
