Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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