Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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