she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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