I just gift wrapped bread.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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