I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
