Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
