I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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