he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
