what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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