I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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