well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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