New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
