If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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