Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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