Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
