It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
