I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
