he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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