There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
