My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize