the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Shame - the story of my life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
