maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
