I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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