Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
