Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
