Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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