so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize