woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
