I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
