I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
