did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
