I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
