Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
