I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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