i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
