so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
