dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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