What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
